I’m Trying Over Here

It’s been a long year. Everyone is finally feeling a little more secure, a bit more willing to risk their lives beyond the threshold. Welcome back to BBQs, outdoor concerts, shopping, and family gatherings. Yet with this relief for some, others, such as myself, have a deeper fear. A fear that lies beyond the front door. That fear is: other people.

I’m not one to say that I loathe, despise, or feel any contempt towards my fellow human beings. The honest fact of the matter is that I have always struggled with social settings. The idea of eye contact and a firm handshake has always felt rather complicated to me. Now, however, that awkwardness and fear is shared by everyone else. So much so that I find myself feeling more relatable with everyone!

Now, whenever I go to Hobbs or take my son to the toddler park, there’s a clear, unspoken understanding that everyone is trying to reset and re-learn their previous social skills. To put it bluntly, everyone has come down to my level, and I’m afraid to say that I find it blissful. No one seems to know what to say, or where to begin in describing what the past year was like for them. There’s a clear feeling that everyone would love to get over this awkward phase and get back to something that might be considered “normal.” However, I’m under the impression that this is never going to be the case — and I find peace in that. 

The point is that, despite my deeper fears of the outside world, my human instinct for socializing has been long dormant and is demanding to be awoken. I look forward to the time when we will all be safe and healthy enough to see a show at waR3house3 or attend a First Friday cookout at Hobbs. I was happy to see the farmers market return with real gusto, with everyone masking up and being aware of their surroundings. People are enjoying live music at the farmers market, and some are comfortable walking around with no masks again! It seems like, in time, when everyone is vaccinated, there will be a return to “normalcy,” whatever that is. But this past year has taught me not to take for granted our human gift for socializing, and maybe to take a few deep breaths and at least try to engage a bit more. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone with their smiles on, and to trying to engage in direct eye contact with people—or practicing whatever social skill I need to improve upon.